Where are the moments of grace in these transitions?
By LARRY BUXTON
Author of Thirty Days with King David
Four excellent writers in last week’s edition of Read the Spirit highlighted some of the virtues and values evident in this political season. Duncan Newcomer wrote of a courage that every political figure could seek. Martin Davis wrote of the grace and humility that sports coaches, such as Gov. Tim Walz, exemplify. Joe Grimm invited us to celebrate the virtues of military service, which both Tim Walz and JD Vance have experienced. Jeff Munroe wrote eloquently of the decency that President Joe Biden has exemplified throughout his career.
Munroe spent the last third of his article discussing Biden’s decision to step aside from running for a second term. I want to frame that decision as yet another virtue—an especially difficult one for many leaders and most of us ordinary folk. It’s the virtue of surrender.
Surrender is the courageous act of saying, “I’ve come to the end of this road. I can’t keep doing this any longer and get the outcome I want. Instead, I now choose to lose—to lose this known and futile habit and hope that I’ll gain a better outcome.” Surrender is giving up and laying down. Surrender is a transplant without novocaine that relocates our egos to second place.
As with so many discussions of character and virtue, I find the story of King David helps us to see and practice this quality of character too.
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In my book 30 Days With King David: On Leadership, I discuss the traditional “cardinal virtues” of Western thought. While “surrender” isn’t a traditional cardinal virtue, it’s a clear example of “Courage,” which is. President Biden exhibited courage on July 21 when he surrendered his vision, ambition and keenness for another campaign and withdrew from the Presidential race. He transplanted his ego for a higher cause and a greater good.
King David’s surrender, admittedly under very different circumstances, is the low point of his kingship. His was a response to evil he thought he’d hidden—the rape of Bathsheba and the murder of Uriah. The royal chaplain Nathan confronts him with the reality of who he is and what he’s done, and David sees no other option but to acknowledge his frailties and illusions. He lays his ego down at God’s feet. The biblical narrative condenses his reaction to just one sentence, “I have sinned against the Lord,” but an empathic reader will understand what a tangled tumor of emotions is encapsulated in those words.
President Biden was confronted with no personal evil, only the cultural fault of growing old. His stepping aside is the equivalent of a ballplayer wanting one more season, a parent wanting one more fling at adolescence, a senior law partner wanting one more case. The virtue of surrender requires the courage, as Jeff Munroe noted, to swallow your pride, the hardest thing we can ever imbibe.
Other cultures are much better than ours at honoring the limitations and the wisdom of aging. We prefer to romanticize the person who can’t admit defeat.
We say, “Don’t be a quitter.” Our bumper stickers proclaim, “NEVER SURRENDER.” Hollywood sells us Sylvester Stallone’s “Rocky,” Mickey Rourke’s “The Wrestler,” Clint Eastwood’s William Munny (“Unforgiven”), and dozens more who just can’t find the courage to say, “No more.” Part of us admires their stubbornness. The rest of us winces at their humiliations and cringes at their refusal to accept the ever-turning hands of the clock.
We learn with maturity that there’s a greater nobility in recognizing our limits and accepting them gracefully. Surrender, as every alcoholic knows, is not a sign of defeat but the first step toward victory.
Maya Angelou writes, “Even at 15, life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance.” Wisdom can be as simple, so the song says, as “know[ing] when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em.”
My own mother, an active and spirited woman deep into her 80’s, initiated the ritual of handing us her car keys and giving away her car. She chose to spare us all any awkward conversations or angry defiance. She surrendered with grace.
And, Back to King David.
Yes, David’s surrender was forced by his sinfulness, a situation we’re not addressing here. He still had to swallow his pride and drop his defenses, to let go of his dreams and watch his glorious past fade away. He learned to serve a different purpose. The virtue of surrender is seen more clearly when we trust that some unforeseen good will yet emerge. In the months that followed David’s surrender, he gave up being the bold young warrior with no brakes on his pride. He served instead as a wise advisor to his army. He gave strategic advice to handle Absalom’s revolt. He forgave old enemies, and he wrote new songs of thanksgiving.
Joe Biden, the fundamentally decent man, also had to swallow his pride, let go of his dreams, and hand over the keys. He did it with grace. This is the leadership virtue of surrender.
What lies ahead for Joe Biden?
He put “America First” by insisting the real question is, “What lies ahead for our nation?” He showed through the spring and early summer that surrender is no easy action to take. But I think it was the clear virtue of his surrender, his courage in letting go, that brought the Democratic Convention to its feet last week. “We love you, Joe!” resounded amid ongoing waves of applause. Tears flowed. Hearts soared. Virtue was honored.
That’s a legacy to leave. It was a gift to see it alive and well in today’s politics.
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The Rev. Dr. Larry Buxton has been an ordained United Methodist minister since 1975. He served full-time in the Virginia Conference of that denomination for 41 years and has held part-time ministerial positions since 2016. He taught in various part-time positions at Wesley Theological Seminary for 13 years. Larry began Larry Buxton Coaching in 2012 and has earned several coaching credentials. His written and video posts have encouraged hearers and readers since 2020. Originally titled “Leading With Spirit,” it is now known as “Character Study.”
Larry’s most recent book, 30 Days with King David: On Leadership, is a character-focused study of the historical King of Israel. He utilizes insights and examples from David’s life to inspire and guide leaders today.
