A Mother’s Day story you must read, then tell a friend

May 5, 2011 by

PATRICIA CHARGOT, right, with her mother ZENIATODAY, we are pleased to celebrate Mother’s Day with this story by journalist Patricia Chargot. A long-time Detroit Free Press staff writer, Chargot has specialized in recent years in reporting news for young readers. She has circled the globe several times in her quest for stories. And, as so often happens in writers’ lives, one of her best stories was right there—so close to home.
Thank you Pat for this story!
Read it.
Then, share it with a friend.

A Box of DOTS,
a Bouquet of Zinnias,
a Remembrance of My Mother

By Patricia Chargot

Where is she? I look at my mother’s portrait and that’s what I ask myself: How can a face so familiar and dear no longer exist in this world?

Our eyes lock—mine on hers in a photo taken on her 80th birthday—and for an instant I might as well be a newly hatched gosling or a newborn gorilla in one of those behavioral studies, imprinting her mother’s sight, sound and smell.

How I wish I could be with her now, watching “Sex in the City” reruns and eating DOTS, her favorite candy, in her tiny assisted-care apartment. I spent one night a week there for seven years as she wound down like the Energizer Bunny on bad batteries. There will be no reruns of that.

“Be with me always.”

That’s what she said to me as she lay dying 18 months ago at age 84—whispered it with her eyes closed and barely able to speak. Such a pretty little sentence! It sounded quaintly old-fashioned, like an expression of love in a Victorian valentine. It’s what I whisper now when I gaze at her picture, gladdened by my undimmed response to those sparkling blue eyes, that warm, radiant smile.

“Be with me always, Mom.” I hope she will be, that I will somehow get to see her again, that at the very least, love proves to be indestructible and permeates everything, like neutrinos.

This piece is for my mother on Mother’s Day, a belated valentine of sorts, but also a spiritual sounding of the living link that I—and so many others—feel to the mothers we’ve lost.

A mother is what Mom was. She didn’t have a brilliant career—though she could have; she didn’t work outside the home—or not for long. But she was special, as simply charming as a zinnia, the flower after which she claimed she was named. (She lied!) Zenia, nickname Zennie (ZEE-nee). Maiden name: Panfil. Married names: Chargot, then after my father died and she remarried, Lowe.

Zennie—even I sometimes called her that; we were girlfriends, after all—was elegant and beautiful with none of the arrogance or self-absorption that elegance and beauty so often confer. I really liked that about her. She was a privileged white suburbanite, the daughter of a Detroit high school principal, who graduated from college in an era when only about four percent of all U.S. women held a bachelor’s degree or higher. She was proud of her education, but she was no elitist.

You could park my mother anywhere and she’d strike up a conversation with anyone. I once left her on a bench outside a hospital while I went to get the car, and when I came back she was chatting up a young African-American woman who was poorly dressed and a tad scruffy, asking about her family. I really liked that about my mother, too.

ZENIA as a young woman.I didn’t like her much while growing up, though. She was the police, hot on the trail of any child—she had four—who broke any of her many house rules: “Stay out of the living room,” “Straighten the rug,” “No bare feet or shoes in the house! Wear socks!” You couldn’t be out of sight for 10 minutes without her yelling, “What you are doing?”

But she enabled our creativity.  The source of hers was her love for us. She taught us how to see animals in clouds, lying on a beach blanket in the backyard crooning Perry Como and Doris Day songs. Que sera sera.

She made sure we had plenty of crayons and other art supplies, and even taped rolls of white shelving paper to our playroom walls so we could work big and draw murals. What a clever mother!

She never said “no” to a large project, however grandiose. One summer she let us stage a carnival, complete with a half-dozen games, including a pie-throwing contest. She even helped us figure out how to concoct a convincing strawberry pie filling—flour, water and red food coloring—and let me enlist my little boyfriend as the target.

Another summer, Mom let me set up a summer school under our oak tree and recruit neighborhood kids as students. And she was always good for a lemonade stand. The agreement was that we could do pretty much anything we liked as long as we cleaned everything up when we were done.

And she could really surprise you. Once I bit into a sandwich at school and fished out a torn scrap of paper with the message, “I love, you. Mom.” 

One Easter, I found my first bra under the chocolate eggs and jellybeans in my Easter basket. I was ecstatic! The next year, the Easter bunny left my first pair of nylons and a little garter belt.

Mom was our muse, our playful trickster, and a relentless taskmaster rolled into one. Then she did an about-face when her first child left for college: She granted me the great gift of my freedom.

The night before I left, I burst into tears in the family room—our former playroom—convinced that I wouldn’t make any friends. I begged Mom to come get me the following weekend.

“You’re not going to want to come home,” she said, laughing. “By this time next week, you’re going to have a new life and new friends.”

Two days later, I called to say that college was great and that I’d see her at Thanksgiving. After that, she never pried or hovered, unlike today’s helicopter moms. She let me become my own woman.

When I was 22, shortly before my father died of cancer, my mother had a massive “nervous breakdown”—they didn’t use the term clinical depression then. She was 47 and just entering menopause. She wouldn’t even wash. I had never seen my mother nude, but I held her in my arms and bathed and dressed her for Dad’s funeral home visitation, perhaps the single most sacramental act of my life.

ZENIA and her second husband ED.Our roles reversed and for years I kept an eye on her. When she was 51 and I was 26, I took her with me to an inner city wine store and introduced her to the co-owner. Later, she drove back and left her glove on a store counter—accidentally, she insisted. He returned it, and three months later, they eloped.

Even as she continued to suffer from depression, she encouraged me to take risks. When I was 35, I again burst into tears the night before I was to leave on a six-month solo trip to China.

“Patty Chargot,” she scoffed, “you were in this same room and said the very same thing the night before you left for college. You’ll have a great time in China.”

I did. I called her once a month—collect—and after that called her from wherever I was in the world. No one ever has been more unabashedly thrilled to see or hear from me.

My mother blossomed, too. In the late ’80s, she planned a trip to Europe—her first—with minimal help from a travel agent. In 2002, a year after my stepfather died and she had recovered from bypass surgery, I watched as she ditched her fears at the door on the day we moved her into assisted care. She walked in on my arm, smiling, and never looked back.

My brothers and I transformed her apartment. It was our grandiose project that summer, and when we were finished, it looked like a cross between an art gallery and a chapel. There were paintings and religious icons everywhere. We even hung a crystal chandelier.

Mom soon became dependent on her walker, making it more difficult for me to take her out to dinner. One day I realized I was dragging her down the hall, and felt totally ashamed of myself. After that, I made a concerted effort to match her pace. It was her last great gift to me: She helped me to slow down.

It was hard watching her fade mentally, yet there was still so much intact: her lovely spirit, her good cheer—and she always knew my name.

Regarding hers: I had long suspected the flower story to be a fabrication.  She had hinted as much, but I could never get the truth out of her. Finally one night, after I had plied her with a little wine, her lips loosened:

“I was named after a St. Zenobia, but promise you won’t tell anyone. It just sounds so strange.” (I promised, but I lied. Sorry, Mom.) 

I googled Zenobia and found her on a roster of Greek Orthodox saints, which was hard to figure because my grandparents were Polish-American Roman Catholics. Zenobia also is one of many old Greek daughter-of-Zeus names for girls. Zenia, daughter of God, beloved mother of Mark, Clem, Karen and Patricia!

She deteriorated like the Parthenon, but there was no fixing her. She spent six weeks fighting four infections in the hospital, in her room, back in the hospital, in rehab, and in the hospital again. I was there every day, but missed her passing, for which I am grateful. I don’t have an image of her corpse in my head. She’s alive and smiling, turning her face to me as I gently wake her to say that I have to leave for work but that I love her.  “I love you more,” she says. Always.

We adored her, our beautiful, vivacious mother. The photo that captures our affection best, I think, shows my two brothers carrying her through the house like a log, one holding her feet, the other her arms. All three are laughing uproariously.

We laid her to rest between her two husbands, both World War II vets—an Army second lieutenant and a Marine captain—each married to her for 25 years. Lucky guys.

You don’t get everything in life, but I really lucked out in the mother department. I got St. Zenia, and yes, I pray to her. I built a little altar with her picture, a candle, flowers and today, a Mother’s Day card. Why not?

Shortly after Mom moved into assisted care, I met Annie, the facility’s oldest resident. She’s dead now. She was 101 then and still making daily rounds of the place with her walker, visiting all eight ’hoods, each with 10 residents.

One day, she started telling me about her mother.  She talked on and on. Finally, I asked, “How long has she been gone, Annie?”

“Sixty years,” she said, adding: “You never stop missing your mother.”

We want our international conversation to continue

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Originally published at readthespirit.com, an online journal covering religion and cultural diversity.



682 Hauerwas: For the Faithful, There Is No ‘Florida’

May 11, 2010 by

Soon after TIME magazine declared Stanley Hauerwas “America’s Best Theologian,” he contributed to a book that may not be well known among his fans—but ReadTheSpirit strongly recommends as one of his most important works: “Growing Old in Christ.” Part 2 of our interview with Stanley focuses on this remarkable collection.

Unlike the thousands of books that treat aging as a dreaded disorder to be cured, Hauerwas and his co-authors explore the spiritual gifts and callings that blossom in the aging process. Hauerwas’ own chapter in this book includes his impassioned call for “the art of friendship between generations.” In this prophetic chapter, Hauerwas slaps readers hard with one of his classic, funny, acidic words of wisdom. When people age, he writes, “they cannot move to Florida and leave the church to survive on its own. For Christians, there is no ‘Florida’—even if they happen to live in Florida. That is, we must continue to be present to those who have made us what we are so that we can make future generations what they are called to be. Aging among Christians is not and cannot be a lost opportunity.”

Interview, Pt 3, Stanley Hauerwas on ‘Growing Old in Christ’

      DAVID: In preparing for our conversations, I read a half dozen of your books and selected three that I really want to recommend to readers. Now, I want to ask you about “Growing Old in Christ,” which a whole lot more people should read. I’ve got to tell you, this is a rare book! I can show you thousands of anti-aging books—but age as a spiritual gift? This is exceptional and prophetic.

      You are a co-editor of this volume and you contributed one entire chapter. In your section, you write about something you call “profound friendships of character”—and you argue that we should work hard to make sure these friendships extend across generations. Most congregations intentionally segregate people by age. You say that’s wrong.

      STANLEY: Our communities depend on memory to understand what makes us who we are. If you think life is fundamentally about consuming and not about such memories, then the elderly have no place in your world. But I believe that the older you get, the more obligations you have to those who are part of your life to remember your mistakes—and the mistakes of the community—so you can be part of the articulation necessary, hopefully to avoid some of those mistakes in the future.

      So everything depends on the assumption that life is made up of wisdom that is derived from these many lives and many judgments over time. We can pass this on to the next generation. My emphasis on the importance of sharing stories is crucial in that regard because stories are contingent on the tellers. The elderly have to become good tellers of the stories that make the community who they are.

      I remember when my son was confirmed at Broadway Christian in South Bend, which is a Methodist church, we heard that day from some of the founders of that church. Some of them remembered mule-driven plows that struggled to hue out the basement. Now, that’s very important to be remembered. You don’t want to forget those gifts. So the elderly have an important obligation to be people of memory.

      DAVID: But you’re talking about something much more involved than just inviting old people to stand up and tell stories on special occasions. You’re talking about cross-generational friendships on a regular basis. Why is that so important?

      STANLEY: Think about the kinds of friendships that occur around retirement and nursing homes. If the elderly are only friends with one another, the difficulty is that everyone’s dying on you. You almost become afraid of friendships because you don’t want your new friends to die on you. How often can you experience that?

      The art of friendship is very much the art of learning how to claim one another as people who we recognize will die. That’s an important part of friendship. If we keep separating all the elderly and allow them only to have friendships with one another, then that’s exhausting for everyone involved and they quickly disengage.

      DAVID: You propose some alternatives.

      STANLEY: Yes, first, we need a strong liturgical context to sustain community. We need to know how to pray together. And in retirement and nursing homes, Eucharist is very important for structuring the common judgments to sustain friendships.

      Then, we also need to build our friendships across generations so we can share stories. Something else happens, too, when we form these relationships between people of different ages: Younger people can watch people learn how to die. Younger people have no opportunity to do that these days.

      In that book I talk about my own close friendship with an older friend. We were very different people but he gave me the great privilege of being with him in the years close to his death in a manner that I was able to see his vulnerabilities. We are all vulnerable before death. All life is a matter of imitation through exemplification and we need to be with people who are exemplifying the process of moving to die. To isolate people based on age—the way we’re now doing things—it’s a terrible problem!

      DAVID: I love that line about Florida, when you get down to the bottom line with readers. You’re blunt. The line is like a slap in the face. So, how did you come up with such a line: “For Christians, there is no ‘Florida,’ even if they happen to live in Florida”?

      STANLEY: (Laughs long and hard!) Well, I just don’t like Miami! It’s sheer prejudice! (Laughs.)

      Seriously, though, I think it’s a disastrous idea that we just send the elderly to Arizona or Florida as a way to say, “Don’t bother me with your life!” Think about it from our own perspective: This is very deleterious strategy for us learning to live out our own lives well. And then think about this from the perspective of the elderly: The idea that I’m supposed to try to be young all the time? I’m 70. What a terrible burden to always act as though you’re always young!

      We do even worse: We tell ourselves that if we don’t try to be young, other people won’t want to be with us. But the truth is: As you age, you’re filled with aches and pains. You don’t have to be a constant complainer, but to me Florida represents that push to race after eternal youthfulness and I say: What a terrible way to live! This has implications about the kinds of things I write about medicine, too. Too often we expect medicine to get us out of life—alive. That’s not possible. And, that’s just not right. We subject ourselves to some terrible tyrannies!

      You can order “Growing Old in Christ” by Stanley Hauerwas and others from Amazon.

      (Originally published at readthespirit.com)

       

      680 Hauerwas, Our ‘Best’ Theologian, Shares His Life

      May 9, 2010 by

      At the dawn of this new millennium, Time magazine declared Stanley Hauerwas America’s “Best Theologian,” a label that the tough-talking Texan routinely uses to poke fun at himself. How can anyone rank theologians—like handicapping golfers or giving stars to restaurants! Nevertheless, Time magazine took this task seriously, publishing a profile that described how the “rough speech and pointed views” of this brick-layer’s son sometimes are “scandalous” among academics and religious leaders.

      At ReadTheSpirit, we agree that Stanley Hauerwas has a powerful prophetic voice. He is solidly American, solidly Christian and solidly accomplished as one of our greatest scholars—yet he uses that firm foundation to address the world like a latter-day Isaiah, Jeremiah or Micah, crying out for justice and a complete rethinking of our global priorities. To use “Hauerwasian” terms, he’s often telling us to get up off our butts, scrape away the bullshit of convenient, self-centered spirituality—and get our hands dirty in engaging with the real needs of the world.

      By the way, here at ReadTheSpirit, that’s the first time we’ve published the 8-letter “b”-word. Hauerwas uses it rarely but very effectively now. After all, he is a master teacher and writer. Time magazine didn’t tag him with this great honor just because he occasionally uses a bit of startling language. Time gave him the prize because he is a uniquely straight-talking, prophetic pioneer.

      Time wrote: Before talk of “the virtues” became widespread, Hauerwas wrote about the need for an account of our habits as members of communities. Do these communities sustain virtues? One virtue Hauerwas extols is faithfulness. He urges people to be faithful Roman Catholics or Orthodox Jews or Evangelicals or Muslims. It is faithfulness to a complex tradition that forestalls being overtaken by majoritarianism or convention.

      THIS WEEK, to celebrate the publication of Hauerwas’ memoir, “Hannah’s Child,” ReadTheSpirit welcomes the great theologian to our magazine for an in-depth interview—spanning several days—about the provocative themes that have gotten him into so much trouble … and have made him such a shining source of hope.

      Among the Best Quotes from Stanley Hauerwas’ Memoir …

      ON TIME’S DECLARATION OF “BEST:” If theologians become famous in times like ours, surely they must have betrayed their calling. After all, theology is a discipline whose subject should always put in doubt the very idea that those who practice it know what they are doing.

      ON WHY MERE “BELIEF” DOESN’T MATTER MUCH: I believe what I write, or rather, by writing I learn to believe. But then I do not put much stock in “believing in God.” The grammar of “belief” invites a far too rationalistic account of what it means to be a Christian. “Belief” implies propositions about which you get to make up your mind before you know the work they are meant to do. Does that mean I do not believe in God? Of course not, but I am far more interested in what a declaration of belief entails for how I live my life.

      ON THE TRAGIC SOCIAL DIVIDES BETWEEN PEOPLE: I have spent my life in buildings built by people like my father, buildings in which the builders have felt they do not belong. … My father was a better bricklayer than I am a theologian.

      ON WHY THEOLOGY IS SO POWERFUL (and why many “theologians” settle for impotence): The presumption of many scholars at the time was that the task of theology was to make the language of the faith amenable to the standards set by the world. This could be done by subtraction: “Of course you do not have to believe X or Y”; or, by translation: “When we say X or Y, we really mean …” I was simply  not interested in that project. From my perspective, if the language was not true, then you ought to give it up. I thought the crucial question was not whether Christianity could be made amenable to the world, but could the world be made amenable to what Christians believe? I had not come to the study of theology to play around. I am not sure why I thought like this, but I suspect it had something to do with being (trained as) a bricklayer. I simply did not believe in “cutting corners.”

      ON WHY, IN THE END, PRAYER IS THE KEY: I have spent a lifetime learning how to pray. Yet I did not become a theologian to learn how to pray. I became a theologian because I found the work of theology so compelling. Along the way, I discovered that the work of theology is the work of prayer. …. I confess, however, that prayer still never comes easy for me. But I hold no conviction more determinatively than that the belief in prayer names how God becomes present to us and how we can participate in that presence by praying for others.

      WELCOME to Stanley Hauerwas! And WELCOME to you—as you read these words! Add a Comment, below. Email this story to friends, below, and invite them to read along with you. Come back each day this week for more!

              You can order “Hannah’s Child: A Theologian’s Memoir” from Amazon now.

              (Originally published at readthespirit.com)

              540: What does Heaven look like? Millions ask … new answers emerge

              October 18, 2009 by


              God within me, God without,
              How shall I ever be in doubt?
              There is no place where I may go
              And not see there God’s face, not know
              I am God’s vision and God’s ears
              So through the harvest of my years
              I am the Sower and the Sown
              God’s self unfolding and God’s own.
              From a 10th-Century gravestone, Linkoping, Sweden

              WHAT DOES HEAVEN LOOK LIKE?
                  The question is timeless and universal, although terms for “Heaven” vary around the world. It’s one of the core questions of human existence: Is there anything beyond this life? Does what I’m doing in my life matter—ultimately?
                  Several years ago, I worked with a group of high school students across the state of Michigan who produced an award-winning documentary that included this question. The film clip at the end of today’s story comes from that documentary.
                  TODAY our Bible Here and Now program for youth groups also raises this question. AND, our new Spiritual Season column includes United Nations Day—a perfect occasion to think about our visions for a better world!
                  THEN—tomorrow we’ll tell you about an amazing new film about these issues—opening on October 25 at the Chicago International Children’s Film Festival.
                  AND—as a special treat on Wednesday—we’re publishing a Conversation With Bishop John Shelby Spong, the best-selling author of provocative books about faith who now is 78 and has just published what he’s calling his “last book.” It’s called “Eternal Life: A New Vision.” The book will disturb some readers—and reassure many more. It’s an important book from a very influential religious voice. We’ll explore this final testament with Spong himself on Wednesday.

              TODAY, here’s a sample of Bishop Spong’s thoughts on what most people call “Heaven.”
                  His book quotes from the gravestone inscription above. Then, here are a few words from Bishop Spong’s new “Eternal Life: A New Vision”:

                  “I have now reached the point in my journey where I, like St. Francis before me, can welcome death as a brother. I live in the appreciation that it is the presence of death that actually makes my life precious, since it calls me to live each day fully, and it is by living fully that I enter the timelessness of life. …
                  “To state it as plainly as I know how to do, I believe deeply that this life that I love so passionately is not all there is. This life is not the end of life. I cannot articulate the content of this concept more than I have done, but I want my readers to know that my convictions however poorly or weakly described herein, are real and they are convincing to me. The only way I know how to prepare for death is to live in such a way that I enable each day to participate in eternity. I enter the realm of eternity only by embracing the infinite. I walk into life’s meaning by being open to what lies ahead and beyond. I do believe that love is eternal and I am held by the bonds of love by my family, my friends and countless acquaintances. They are to me windows into eternal life. I embrace them and I embrace life through them.

                  “So I conclude with a question with which this book began. If someone were to pose to me the question that was posed by the mythical biblical character of Job so long ago—’If a man (or a woman) dies, will he (or she) live again?’—my answer would be yes, yes, yes!
                  “That is as far as words can take me, but that is enough for me. So I … call you to live fully, to love wastefully, to be all that you can be and to dedicate yourselves to building a world in which everyone has a better opportunity to do the same. That to me is to be part of God and to do the work of God. That to me is to be a disciple of Jesus. Finally, that to me is the way to prepare for life after death.

                  “Shalom.”

              HERE IS A CLIP from the award-winning film “What Does God Look Like?” by Divine Light Media …

                  (If you do not see a video screen below in your version of this story, here’s a link to YouTube where you can see the same film clip.)

              PLEASE TELL US WHAT YOU THINK:

                  This is a good time to sign up for our Monday-morning ReadTheSpirit Planner by Email—it’s
              free and you can cancel it any time you’d like to do so. The Planner
              goes out each week to readers who want more of an “inside track” on
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              section.

                  Not only do we welcome your notes—but our readers enjoy them as well. You can do this
              anytime by clicking on the “Comment” links at the end of each story.
              You also can Email ReadTheSpirit Editor David Crumm. We’re also reachable on Twitter, Facebook, Amazon, YouTube and other social-networking sites as well.
                  (Originally published at https://readthespirit.com/)

              495: Readers Tell Us About Becoming a Faith Leader, Gifts of Aging, Woodstock

              August 13, 2009 by

              WELCOME!
              Once again, thanks to readers like you,
              we’ve got your feedback to share …

              Thanks to Artist Nancy Thayer and 
              Readers Reflecting on
              Emerging Role of “Faith Leader”

              THAT THEME runs throughout our coverage this week and we appreciate readers who commented in a variety of forms—from Email and Facebook to comments posted directly at www.OurValues.org. Here is a sample from a reader named Grace:
                  What is a “faith leader”? Grace defines it as someone who encourages “working together across difference. We are creating a new understanding
              of what a spiritual community really is. I don’t believe it needs to
              be exclusive to a single faith tradition or belief system; a spiritual
              community is any community of people who feel spiritually connected to
              one another and responsible for the well-being of one another.”
                  As Editor of ReadTheSpirit, I agree. To rebuild American communities after the recent crash (and to help meet the world’s many human needs)—we need diverse communities working toward common values.
                  IF YOU’RE JUST JOINING US, check out Nancy Thayer’s week-long series, which starts here with her Introduction to “What’s a faith leader?”

              Holidays Are Coming— 
              And So Much More This Fall—
              So, Keep In Touch! Get Our Free Planner.

              THERE’S A WHOLE LOT HAPPENING! “Thank you” to readers who already are sending notes about Ramadan and the Jewish High Holidays! Keep sending us ideas, thoughts, stories, prayers—anything to enrich the lives of our readers.
                  AND, let us help you keep in touch! Looming on the horizon are the Muslim fasting month, Lift Your City in Prayer, Rosh Hashanah—and so much more.
                  The easiest way to keep in touch—and to learn the latest news about spirituality, values and media—is to Email us and say “Subscribe” If you do that, you’ll receive our free Monday-morning Planner. The newsletter contains no ads. You can cancel any time. Did we say it’s free?

              Speaking of Emerging Themes … 
              Our Review of “The Window”
              —and Clarity of Vision in Aging

              NO! WE’RE NOT TALKING ABOUT our vision fading in old age. We’re talking about YOUNG people needing to clarify their vision about the aging process.
                  The day our review appeared of the newly released Argentinian movie, “The Window,” we heard from author Missy Buchanan about her latest online article, “What Young Folks Should Know.”
              Missy is a pioneer in writing about the spiritual gifts of aging—and encouraging congregations to do a whole lot more to connect with older members.
                  Here’s an excerpt from  Missy’s new online article. In preparing this column, she spent time talking to elderly people about what they wish younger adults would understand:
                  “One of the most intriguing comments came from a former church lay
              leader who tactfully questioned the open-mindedness of some young
              adults who claim to be tolerant and inclusive. Her experience had been
              that younger people often have a narrow mindset when it comes to older
              adults. 
                  “Perhaps the most telling comment came from my
              79-year-old friend, John Quinlan: ‘I just want to be recognized as me.
              I am now slower and weaker than before. I tire easily, but it is still
              me.'”
                  That comment by John Quinlan perfectly voices the theme of the new movie on DVD, “The Window.”

              Woodstock Anniversary
              Means More to Baby Boomers
              Than the Image of Smoky Haze …

              THIS IS HARDLY SCIENTIFIC DATA, but some comments on our Woodstock-anniversary story were along the lines of this note from David J.W., who commented via Facebook: “Hey, I’m thankful for the Jesus movement. I was set free from the Woodstock lifestyle. Drugs only lead to bondage and death.”
                  Deanie Wills emailed from Orlando: “Don’t you realize if you claim to remember it—that’s proof you weren’t there! Spiritual? No, smoky haze is more like it!”
                  It’s true that Woodstock was fueled by a lot of dope smoking. One historical source says that 90 percent of the crowd at least sampled marijuana before the three-day festival ended. But memories of drugs aren’t a big factor among Woodstock attendees looking back. Check out the Woodstock Facebook group, for example, and you’ll find fond memories spreading far larger than a puff of smoke. The group’s 5,400-plus members are pretty happily recalling the landmark festival this week.
                  There’s also some buzz this week about Woodstock polling conducted by a group called Eon, which is a corporately sponsored social-networking project for Baby Boomers. Eon reported on a survey of 2,000 Baby Boomers on Woodstock. The results sound reasonable. Here are some of the findings that Woodstock fans are talking about this weekend, including fans of the Facebook group:
                  “Nearly half of all respondents (47%) said the music was the most
              memorable part about Woodstock. Interestingly, those who attended
              Woodstock said the sense of peace and togetherness (47%) was more
              memorable than than the music (19%). Overall, 40% said growing up in
              the ’60s heightened their interest in music as a universal language.”
                  Reader Greg M took a middle course in his Email on Woodstock: “Woodstock the event meant little to me at the time it was happening.  Woodstock the movie, Woodstock the album, that is what I got “into.”  Hendrix’s Star Spangled Banner, Joan Baez, the music with a message, the songs with a statement or a cause. The aftermath said volumes, too: No one was murdered, lives were changes, life went on in some terrible conditions, music played, and all had a good time.
                  “Did Woodstock change me? Not really.  FK, MLK and Bobby Kennedy’s assassinations, Apollo and the Moon, the Detroit Riots, Watergate, now those were changing moments. Woodstock to me was an event, like Super Bowl I, the 68 World Series, not a life-changing event.”
                  So, what do YOU think? What are your memories—whether you were there or not? The 40th anniversary runs through Tuesday (Jimi Hendrix closed the festival on August 18, 1969.).

              PLEASE TELL US WHAT YOU THINK:

                  Not only do we welcome your notes—but our readers enjoy them as well. You can do this
              anytime by clicking on the “Comment” links at the end of each story.
              You also can Email ReadTheSpirit Editor David Crumm. We’re also reachable on Twitter, Facebook, Amazon, YouTube and other social-networking sites as well.
                  (Originally published at https://readthespirit.com/)

              458: Uncovering the spiritual lives of WWII soldiers many, many years later

              June 22, 2009 by

              Have you ever found a box of WWII-era pictures?
                  Perhaps you were sorting out an aging parent’s or grandparent’s home? Perhaps you found a shoebox stuffed with pictures—like the photographs we discovered of my Grandfather posing with the Shah of Iran in the early 1940s. Perhaps the photos you found were mounted in a ’40s-era album, like the one that touched off comic artist Carol Tyler’s epic quest to rediscover the spiritual life of her father.
                   Millions of us are the descendants of ’40s-era service men—and women who served the war effort in a host of roles, as well.
                  Yet, as Carol Tyler writes so eloquently about her father—in huge letters on the second page of her acclaimed new graphic novel: “YOU’LL NEVER KNOW.”

              (UPDATE IN 2011: Carol Tyler also published a sequel to the book covered in this article. The second volume is called: “YOU’LL NEVER KNOW: Collateral Damage.”)

                  Through the decades as a newspaper senior writer, specializing in religion, I interviewed many Holocaust survivors, Holocaust rescuers, camp liberators, Japanese internees and even American GIs who played especially notable roles in WWII.
                  But Carol Tyler makes such an eloquent point in her new book, “YOU’LL NEVER KNOW,” that the New York Times recently recommended it as an important landmark in graphic novels.

                  Most readers have never heard of Carol Tyler, unless you’re a comics fan and follow the likes of R. Crumb and Harvey Pekar. Tyler is a veteran of this literary form. Her real-life comics on sometimes excruciatingly honest topics have been around for a while. But she never realized that perhaps the greatest story in the three living generations of her family had never been told: Her Dad’s experiences in World War II.
                  I can tell you this as a journalist with more than 30 years experience of interviewing men and women: Many people who lived through the truly dramatic chapters of those war years experienced situations so far from the norm of the rest of their lives that they barely want to think about it—much less talk about it.
                  That’s how I had such a Sherlock Holmes adventure, myself, trying to figure out why my own Grandfather, who never so much as mentioned WWII to me while he was alive, had a shoebox of photographs that included snapshots with Henry Ford, Will Rogers and the Iranian who eventually would become the infamous Shah. It turned out that my Grandfather was an expert in large-scale steel cranes and ran a special crew in Iran during WWII protecting supply lines to the Soviet Army.
                  The results of my digging became a major story in the Detroit Free Press, along with reprints of some of my Grandfather’s snapshots.
                  The results of Carol Tyler’s investigation are turning into a multi-volume graphic novel shaped roughly like a big, rectangular photo album.

                  But—how about you? Have you ever found a box of WWII-era photos? Or an album?
                  Have you got a special photo you’d like to share with others? I welcome hearing from you. Email us here at ReadTheSpirit.

                  One final note: Why does this matter? Because the WWII generation is vanishing—and that era left an indelible mark on our world and on millions of lives right here in the U.S.
                  I was already hooked on Carol’s book because of the similarities in our discoveries about our families, but then I read her description of a conversation she had with her own daughter—virtually identical to a conversation I’ve had with my son.
                  Our American educational system has improved significantly in its focus on important themes during the war years, especially:  the Holocaust, the treatment of Japanese Americans and the historic effects on American women’s roles outside the home.
                  Both Carol’s daughter and my own son eagerly studied these chapters of American history in high school. What was largely missing, though, was a lesson plan studying the effects of the war on America’s vast number of fighting men—our fathers, grandfathers and great grandfathers.
                  At one point in her comic-style memoir, Carol talks to us directly and says, “The war was never really buried under tons of mental concrete. Rather, it was an active shaper of life, affecting moods and outcomes … more than anyone ever knew.”
                  Indeed.
                  This is an important and deeply spiritual contribution to American culture. Go find a copy. Buy one, if you’d like through the Amazon link with this review.

                  Oh, and, remember our question: Have you got a special photo you’d like to share? I would welcome hearing from you. Email us here at ReadTheSpirit.

              PLEASE TELL US WHAT YOU THINK:

                  This is a good time to sign up for our Monday-morning ReadTheSpirit Planner by Email—it’s
              free and you can cancel it any time you’d like to do so. The Planner
              goes out each week to readers who want more of an “inside track” on
              what we’re seeing on the horizon, plus it’s got a popular “holidays”
              section.

                  Not only do we welcome your notes—but our readers enjoy them as well. You can do this
              anytime by clicking on the “Comment” links at the end of each story.
              You also can Email ReadTheSpirit Editor David Crumm. We’re also reachable on Twitter, Facebook, Amazon, YouTube and other social-networking sites as well.
                  (Originally published at https://readthespirit.com/)

               

              It’s “Older Americans Month” — so what are the spiritual gifts of aging? Here are 10 tips for ministry …

              May 18, 2009 by

                  ONE of the biggest challenges facing America’s 300,000 congregations is our own aging as a population. We’ve got to stop thinking of aging as a problem to be solved—and realize that it’s a major part of our lives to be explored. There are spiritual gifts of aging, not merely aches and disabilities.
              Missy Buchanan is a pioneer among Christian inspirational writers in focusing her work, both online and in book form, on helping religious leaders rethink the way they relate to older men and women in their congregations. For Older Americans Month, we invited Missy to write these …

              10 TIPS FOR BETTER MINISTRY
              Celebrating the Spiritual Gifts of Aging

               

              By Missy Buchanan

              GET READY! America is graying. People are living longer than ever before. According to the U.S. Administration on Aging, one out of every nine Baby Boomers will live to at least age 90.
              In spite of this aging population boom, however, we live in a culture that values youth over age.
              Just take a look at the number of anti-aging products on the market. For many Americans, growing old is perceived as something to be dreaded, even pitied. Without the love and encouragement of family and faith communities, it’s understandable that senior adults often come to view aging as a bleak prospect, not a blessing.
              It’s also no wonder that older adults feel out-of-step with the rest of the world. Most are dealing with the rapid-fire changes that come with longevity. As health declines, there is a loss of independence. Many older adults relocate to senior care centers, leaving behind familiar homes and support systems. They grieve the deaths of spouses and longtime friends. They worry about having enough money to last their lifetimes and fear becoming dependent on others for basic hygiene. Even newscasts are unsettling with talk of strange things like Facebook, You Tube and Twitter. Feeling that they have outlived their usefulness, older adults, especially frail elderly, struggle to find purpose.
              Ask church leaders about the implications of this huge demographic shift toward an aging population and you’ll likely get a shrug of the shoulders. Most are aware of the statistics about aging congregations and declining memberships; few know what to do. All are feeling the pressure to revitalize the church by attracting young adults and young families. But with so much emphasis on the young, there is a danger of forgetting the old.

              So what can churches and individuals do in response to a fast-growing aging population? Here are 10 tips for better ministry with the older men and women in our congregations.

              1.) Encourage a range of different senior groups when working with older men and women. Age ranges may be helpful categories. You can’t lump all who are 65-plus into one
              ministry. The needs and interests of an active 70-year old are not the
              same as a frail 85-year old. Remember, though, that another category is physical ability. Age alone can’t be the
              primary factor for defining ministry groups. A health crisis can
              cause a younger senior to be aligned with the frail elderly. Some seniors live at home; some live in institutions. Some can drive; some can’t. Build
              ministries that best meet the needs of each group.

              2.) Unleash the power of laity. Pastors have good intentions to minister with
              older adults, but often they are pulled in a thousand directions. If
              your church doesn’t have strong older adult ministries already in
              place, take the ball and run yourself. Consider Bible studies and
              special senior-friendly worship services at church and at senior-care
              centers. Adult sons and daughters with parents in care centers are
              often good candidates for helping in this ministry. Active seniors are
              also a wonderful asset in ministry to their less-active counterparts.

              3.) Be consistent. Occasionally churches start senior adult ministries with
              a gung-ho attitude only to fizzle out in a few months. Some visit elderly men and women  in care centers at Christmas and Easter but fail to minister to
              them the rest of the year. Design an on-going ministry plan for various
              senior adult groups—and follow through. Older adults need to know they
              can count on the faith community.

              4.) Remind seniors that they still can minister to others. As seniors
              age, they may wrongly assume that they have nothing to
              offer in ministry to others. Even if people become frail, you can provide a weekly prayer list from church
              and ask them to pray for the people who requested prayer. Remind them,
              too, that they can lift the spirits of other seniors with a smile and
              an encouraging word. For those who can sew, paint, knit or carve, give
              them a stash of supplies so they can make items for others. Those who are healthy, agile and mobile can help at all levels of ministry.

              5.) Celebrate long life. Don’t wait for a milestone birthday or a
              funeral to honor older adults. Create your own moments to celebrate long life. Ask family and friends to send letters,
              photos and cards for a senior. Compile them in an album so they can be
              easily read and re-read. Create a DVD using pictures as a timeline of a
              person’s life. Or make a video that features people sharing stories
              about the impact the older adult has had on their lives. Remember,
              though, that some elderly may need help in using a DVD player—or may not have access to one. Host an
              in-room party for the bedridden. Hire a barbershop quartet to sing a
              special tribute to an older adult. Share a joke-a-day. Be creative.
              Help them find something to celebrate each day.

               

              6.) Show respect for all older adults by honoring their reality. It’s important to acknowledge the reality of individuals. Many times, active seniors are embarrassed by cutesy or corny ministry titles for senior adult programs. Some even resist senior adult ministries altogether because they think it will make them seem too old. At the same time, frail elderly tend to be overlooked in ministry. They likely have strong feelings of vulnerability and anxiousness that come with mobility limitations. Don’t minimize the emotions of any senior, even if their feelings seem irrational to you. Listen carefully and respectfully to understand each person’s reality.

              7.) Become an encourager. In most cases, nothing is more important to older adults than simply spending time with them. Sadly, many older adults go unnoticed as they become less mobile and quietly fade from church life. Maintaining connections between the faith community and older adults is vital to their spiritual well-being. Encourage them with large-print devotional books they can keep at their bedside. Ask the congregation to regularly send cards of encouragement. When possible, use the Internet or DVDs so that frail elderly can watch worship services. (There’s a significant upswing in multimedia and Internet use among older Americans—see what tools are appropriate for each individual.) Provide CDs of hymns or weekly worship services. And don’t forget about older adults who have no church affiliation. Many are wrestling with important faith questions but have no church family to help them sort it out. Find ways to embrace these older adults, also.

              8.) Help older adults be mindful of God’s presence. As their worlds shrink to a single room or apartment, many older adults begin to lose enthusiasm for living. Help them to remember how God has been faithful in the past. Tell them how their life has shaped your life. Provide a prayer journal for those who are able to write. Offer them opportunities to seek God in nature, even if it’s just a stroll through the grounds of a center where they may be living. Encourage them to look for God’s presence in the daily events of their life.

              9.) Engage older adults with a story prompt. Sometimes people shy away from visiting senior care facilities because they fear they won’t know what to say to residents, especially those they don’t know. Engage older adults in meaningful conversation by incorporating questions that trigger specific memories. What was your first job? Tell me about your favorite vacation destination. When possible, share a meal with residents and watch for brightened faces as their stories come to life around the table.

              10.) Build intergenerational ministry opportunities. Ask children’s Sunday
              School classes to make cards each month for residents of senior care
              facilities. Invite children’s choirs or youth groups to perform at a senior center. Honor older adults with a special banquet at the church and ask
              the youth to serve and provide entertainment. Encourage active older
              adults to be involved in Vacation Bible School. Many churches do these things already. Reach out in new directions. Many young people use computers and multi-media devices effortlessly. Ask your youth group to help seniors with their own computer questions, perhaps setting up an easy email account with them. Or, have youth use their
              computer skills to create personalized photo cards that seniors can send
              to their friends and family. Any opportunity that helps to dispel the
              stereotypes of aging and youthfulness will be helpful in bringing
              generations together.

              Whoever said that growing old is not for sissies—was right. For many, it is not an easy journey. but I don’t think it’s mainly older adults who are out-of-step with the world. Maybe it is the faith community who has yet to find its sacred footing in ministry with aging friends, neighbors and people throughout our communities. We have heard the call. How will we respond?

              Missy Buchanan is author of “Living with Purpose in a Worn-Out Body: Spiritual Encouragement for Older Adults (Upper Room Books). She writes a column, Aging Well, for the United Methodist Reporter. You can visit her online at www.missybuchanan.com.

              CARE TO READ MORE?

              Here’s the Presidential Proclamation for this month.

              If you want to start talking about aging with other people, here’s a great 5-page briefing paper you can download from the U.S. Census. It’s not dry reading; it’s designed for small-group use with lots of easily organized quick facts about the aging of our nation.

              PLEASE TELL US WHAT YOU THINK:

              This is a good time to sign up for our Monday-morning ReadTheSpirit Planner by Email—it’s
              free and you can cancel it any time you’d like to do so. The Planner
              goes out each week to readers who want more of an “inside track” on
              what we’re seeing on the horizon, plus it’s got a popular “holidays”
              section.

              Not only do we welcome your notes—but our readers enjoy them as well. You can do this
              anytime by clicking on the “Comment” links at the end of each story.
              You also can Email ReadTheSpirit Editor David Crumm. We’re also reachable on Twitter, Facebook, Amazon, YouTube and other social-networking sites as well.
                (Originally published at https://readthespirit.com/)