Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012)

Very loosely based on a Jules Verne work, this over the top adventure yarn is about the most improbable
tale I’ve had the misfortune to see this year (even more so than Safe House.). Likeable Dwayne
Johnson is stuck in this thing, playing a step-dad trying to bond with his rebellious teenage stepson. The two find themselves on an undiscovered Pacific island in search of the boy’s grandfather. Guess what, not only is it populated by pygmy elephants and giant lizards and bees, but it is also the site of Atlantis—yeah, in the Pacific Ocean!

Accompanying the step-father and son are helicopter Gabato (Luis Guzmán), relegated to be the fool of the group, and Kailani (Vanessa Hudgens), who serves as Sean’s love interest. You can judge for yourself the quality of the script by the scene in which Dwaye Johnson passes onto his stepson the fatherly advice as to how to attract the interest of a young woman. Telling Sean to watch, he tightens his pecs and gets them to dance back and forth like hula dancers. Yeah, I’m sure that would cause any red blooded young woman to fall into a swoon.

Oh yes, did I forget the volcano about to explode, sending the island to the bottom of the sea. But not to fear, the boy knows his Jules Verne and is certain that Verne’s submarine the Nautilus is parked just beneath the surface near the beach. And do not worry—even after it has been submerged for a hundred years or so, the guys will be able to get inside after the usual grunting and straining to open a hatch, and no problem in learning how to operate it. Wish batteries today worked as good as those century-old ones on the Nautilus! Trapped in this concoction is the fine actor Michael Caine, who like Mr. Washington in Safe House, must have needed the money when his agent recommend to him this film.

You’re on your own for questions for this turkey.