Byron Borger of Hearts & Minds says, ‘There’s power in telling these stories!’

An enthusiastic new review of Jeffrey Munroe’s ‘Telling Stories in the Dark’

Click on the cover to visit the book’s Amazon page.

THIS WEEK, we’re bringing you a video book review of Jeffrey Munroe’s new Telling Stories in the Darka review in a video podcast with Hearts & Minds bookseller Byron Borger.

You can learn more about Byron’s bookstore at his website, HeartsAndMindsBooks.com

Recently, Byron appeared on this podcast, hosted by CCO campus ministry network, offering reviews of a number of books that Byron is currently recommending.

Byron starts his list with an enthusiastic review of Jeff’s new book, so we have “set” the YouTube video below to begin with that review. (If you care to see the entire video, which includes about 2 minutes of introductory material, simply reset the video “slider” to the beginning.)

About Jeff’s book, Byron says in part: “There’s power in telling these stories—and I’m not kidding you! This book is moving!

“And, here’s what’s interesting: Jeffrey Munroe not only tells and narrates each story, which itself would be worth reading. But then, in the second part of every chapter, he brings another person into the conversation: a therapist, a pastor, a clinician, a theologian.

“He brings somebody in and he says, ‘As I’ve told this person’s story, what do you see happening here?’ And then that other person who he’s interviewing … helps evaluate what was going on in that story of trauma. So you’re getting not only a moving story of somebody who went through hard times and coped with it—but then you’re getting an expert … who then evaluates the story and brings some insight. …

“So, it’s not ony the story that’s told but it’s also the evaluation that Jeff does when he engages these experts … And he has lots of good people in here! … And that’s what makes this book shine compared with other books of this kind.”

See Byron’s review of Jeffrey Munroe’s new book

Here’s the YouTube video:

‘Now what?’ An Idea Incubator at a creative Michigan church bursts with ideas for helping families to embrace ‘The Gifts and Challenges of Aging’

GENERATING FRESH IDEAS FOR THE ENTIRE COMMUNITY: Founding Editor David Crumm presents an Idea Incubator program at Clarkston United Methodist Church in Michigan. The church’s “gathering space” was set up with tables so participants could easily indicate their preferences for various ideas on survey sheets.

By DAVID CRUMM
Editor of ReadTheSpirit magazine

Seventy men and women packed the “gathering space” at Clarkston United Methodist Church in Michigan for an “Idea Incubator” about “The Gifts and Challenges of Aging.” That’s the subtitle of our book, Now What? It’s a valuable resource book written by experts in aging—packed with helpful and inspiring information about the many ways we can transform fears about aging into creative resilience as we mature.

IMAGINE YOUR GROUP’s LOGO ON THE COVER—This is the special Clarkston modified edition of the nationally released book Now What? If you click on this cover, you will visit the book’s main Amazon page. If you are interested in modifying a special edition for your community, we will be happy to talk with you about that—if you will email us at [email protected]

In preparation for that program, members of this very active church northwest of Detroit had ordered 70 copies of our book, adapted so that each copy was personalized for their congregation. Their church’s logo was on the front cover of each book distributed for the special program. Plus, the opening pages bound into this Clarkston edition are a two-page letter from their senior pastor, the Rev. Amy Mayo-Moyle. In her letter, Amy explained why this fresh approach to aging is in perfect harmony with the congregation’s mission statement: “Connecting people to people—and people to God.”

The distribution of these books—and an opportunity to take part in this unusual Idea Incubator—raised the enthusiasm in this community to a whole new level! Evidence of that was in participants’ glowing responses to the program’s organizers and speakers that night. They also expressed their interest on survey sheets. Plus, two of our authors who spoke during the program—Rusty Rosman and Howard Brown—sold far more of their books than any of us had expected.

We were surprised, in part, because everyone who participated that night already was reading their specially modified “Clarkston United Methodist Church” editions of Now What? As they arrived, we could see that their copies of that book were studded with bookmarks, Post-it notes and other markers.

Then, in addition to Now What?—they welcomed the idea of fostering future programs on various aspects of aging and caregiving. And, most of them went home with an additional book in their arms that they had decided to purchase, after the program, from Rusty or Howard.

That’s why we called this program an “Idea Incubator”—a way to lift up creative possibilities and build excitement.

It was a fitting way to use this special book. It was in keeping with the spirit of the 14 major organizations that came together just prior to the COVID pandemic—along with 15 expert authors—to develop Now What? Together, we assembled a rich collection of resources on everything from health and wellbeing to caregiving to funeral planning. The nonprofit network that created this resource intended it to be used by groups to generate ideas for new programs to help individuals and families. And, then, the pandemic hit. Public programs nationwide were cancelled. So, this week, the Clarkston church became the first to finally offer a public, in-person program exploring all of these “gifts and challenges.”

How did our Idea Incubator work?

As the General Editor of this book project from the start, I presented its most valuable ideas to the audience. For example, the first one I summarized was this one:

“People who care about their congregations—Christians, Jews and Muslims—hope to welcome more people. Here in Clarkston, you do, too. You hope to encourage more people to join you. Of course, you’ve got lots of reasons to encourage people: You’re warm, welcoming and inspiring. But, did you know that there also is solid, scientific evidence from around the world that connecting with a congregation actually is good for you? After two decades of public-health research, there’s now a global consensus that connecting with a congregation is a predictor of health, wellbeing and increased longevity. That may sound surprising, but it’s true: Secular research on the ‘social determinants of health’ concludes that the caring community connections we form in congregations will help us live happier, healthier and longer lives. It’s summarized in the heart of this book, Now What?—specifically look at chapters 9 and 10.”

At that point in the presentation, I watched as people in the audience pulled out their pens and made notes. Some people opened their books and moved bookmarks to those chapters so they could focus on them later.

After I listed this particular insight—the social determinants of health as they relate to congregations—I listed 13 more valuable ideas in this book for individuals and families. Each person at the event had been given a single sheet of paper with all 14 ideas listed. Below each idea, participants drew a “star” along a range of preferences from “No thank you, this one isn’t for me” to the opposite end of the spectrum: “I’m interested.” When we concluded, those sheets expressing the individual interests of everyone in the room were collected for the congregation’s leadership to consult as they plan future programs.

When they got that pile of responses, Amy and her leadership team could see at a glance that they represented many months of ideas to explore across the coming year. “There’s so much to look over and use here!” Amy said. “This definitely will be part of our planning process this year.”

How this event was organized

Clarkston United Methodist Church already has dozens of ongoing outreach programs and many “life groups”—plus classes, programs for children and youth, discussion circles and public-service projects in Michigan and abroad. That’s one reason we collectively chose this community for this first big program on Now What? We all knew that these folks in Clarkston would be wonderfully receptive.

The other reason we wound up at Clarkston was the encouragement of an “angel”—the term our publishing house uses for a community leader who steps up to ensure that book-related programs happen. Brenda DuPree is a longtime lay leader in the Clarkston congregation and she contacted me, because she remembered that our publishing house broadcast on this book’s national release date from the Clarkston church’s “gathering space.” At that point in the pandemic, we couldn’t host a big public event to launch the book. We needed to use Zoom—and the Clarkston staff volunteered its audio-visual resources to produce the elaborate Zoom event. For an hour, experts from across the nation shared ideas from this book across Zoom.

Brenda DuPree remembered that Clarkston connection with this book—and she realized that the resources in this book had never really reached as many people as we had hoped. So, with pandemic fears having subsided, she launched this new Clarkston planning project, and she also generously supported the whole effort for several months leading to our Idea Incubator this week. The event would not have been possible without Brenda’s tireless work as a local “angel.”

“Angels” like Brenda DuPree can make a huge difference across an entire community and now—with the publication of this ReadTheSpirit story about the event—nationwide.

What Brenda accomplished is exactly what all the expert-authors and nonprofit co-sponsors of this book had hoped.

This book table was shared by Rusty Rosman and Howard Brown at this event in Clarkston, Michigan. By the end of the evening, most of these books were heading home with men and women who were inspired by their talks—and were eager to read more.

Rusty Rosman and Howard Brown—’Shining Brightly’

Click to visit the book’s Amazon page.

Two authors who understood the importance of this program each agreed to give a short talk at the event—and both wound up far outshining my own presentation of the book’s core ideas.

Of course, I was not surprised. That is why I invited Rusty Rosman, author of Two Envelopesand Howard Brown, author of Shining Brightly, to conclude our presentation with personal talks.

When Rusty began her talk, she started with the summary she uses with audiences nationwide (in person or via Zoom or podcast): “When you die, there are so many things your family and loved ones immediately need to know. Two Envelopes is your voice, conveying your final wishes regarding your death and your estate.”

She went on: “We know that three of the most emotional times in our lives are our marriage, birth of our children and the death of a loved one. We cannot predict how we will react at these times but our emotions come out whether we’re expecting them or not. Two Envelopes helps keep chaos at bay when dealing with the emotions of the death of your loved one.”

As she talked, I saw people across the room smiling and nodding their heads knowingly. They already knew what “chaos” can ensue when a loved one dies without ever expressing their wishes about what should come next.

Many people laughed when Rusty said that one of the thorniest questions for families is: “What will you wear when you’re dead?” As they laughed, many nodded. The question struck a personal cord.

She said, “One of the most emotional topics of family discussion when a loved one dies—and it can even become an argument—is what their loved one will wear for viewing and burial. Even if cremation is chosen, there often is a viewing before the final service.”

Click to visit Amazon.

Then, Rusty told several stories about dear friends whose families had wrestled with such questions. This was emotional stuff! Rusty’s emotions reverberated in her voice. Emotions also were obvious in faces all across the “gathering space.” And, that’s why, when the program ended, a third of the people in attendance flocked to Rusty’s book table to buy copies of their book.

Clarkston already was planning programs later this year to discuss end-of-life decisions. The interest in this subject was clear cut in that crowd. We collectively hoped to heighten awareness of the importance of this subject across the whole community.

And, of course, Howard Brown’s conclusion of the program built on those emotions Rusty had stirred. A two-time survivor of life-threatening stage IV cancer, Howard simply told the story of several “miracles” that he has witnessed in his own life—because of personal resilience and because of the support of so many friends and family members.

Howard’s story was so moving that—at that point—the audience interrupted him for applause three times! None of us expected applause at such a program, but—at this point in the evening—it was clear we were talking about life-and-death issues close to the hearts of so many people in that room.

Similarly, when the program ended, a wave of people gathered around Howard and bought his Shining Brightly book to take home with them. Some people, in fact, bought both books. None of us expected such a heart-felt response!

Care to join us?

Is there an “angel” in your congregation—or your regional group, library or nonprofit—who would like to bring such a program to your community? A lot of planning and preparation went into that special night in Clarkston, but our publishing house is willing to plan such events with other interested groups in the future.

Contact us at: [email protected] or [email protected] Either email address will reach our offices.

Want to learn more about Rusty Rosman? Visit her website, RustyRosman.com

Want to learn more about Howard Brown? Visit his website, ShiningBrightly.com

Want to learn more about this remarkable congregation in Clarkston, Michigan? Visit their website.

Leanne Friesen’s ‘Grieving Room’ helps us chart the long journey of grief in the hope—of making room for hope itself

Leanne Friesen and her book. (Photo courtesy of Leanne.)

After a traumatic death, you can help by ‘making room’

By DAVID CRUMM
Editor of ReadTheSpirit magazine

Click this cover to visit the book’s Amazon page.

Halfway through Leanne Friesen’s new book, Grieving Room, my reaction was: This is both a daring and a rare book.

By that I mean: It’s a startlingly honest letter sent out into the world, especially pitched for readers in their 20s, 30s and 40s who need particular kinds of help with the long and twisting journey of grief.

Why is age an issue? Looking over the hundreds of books on the lingering effects of loss—grief can seem downright geriatric. When he published A Grief Observed, arguably the world’s most famous grief memoir, C.S. Lewis was 63. Only two years later, he followed his wife in death.

But, the truth is: Every year, long-term grief strikes millions of younger men and women—including Leanne Friesen in her 30s. At that too-young age, Leanne experienced the death of her too-young sister Roxanne. When Roxanne died of melanoma, Leanne already was an experienced pastor and thought she should be an expert in grief, which she wasn’t—yet. Eventually, in her 40s, and after living with her grief over losing Roxanne for a number of years, Leanne wrote this book to share their story with the rest of us.

And that’s the greatest value of this eloquent book: Leanne still is a relatively young pastor writing about grief among relatively young adults. At that age, our responses and relationships after a loved one’s untimely death unfold in different patterns, at a different pace and with different pressures than friends in their 60s, 70s or older experience after a death.

When I first read Leanne’s book, I was so moved by her insights that I posted an early review in Goodreads, explaining that her book was a solace for me as I continue to feel the loss of my own brother, many years ago, when he was only 39. Even though I’m now in my 60s, I could feel the authenticity of Leanne’s story of struggling to reclaim hope in her own life again after such an early loss. And, as I live with my own grief for my brother and others I’ve lost—part of my vocation is to publish columns like this one about the need to help each other with these journeys. Just last month, our magazine published a column by Jeffrey Munroe, author of Telling Stories in the Dark, about a man in his 90s who surprised Jeff by telling him about his heartfelt grief over the death of a brother many, many decades earlier. As I read Jeff’s column, I could feel that old man’s heartache. I can say quite honestly that I will be thinking of my own brother even into my 90s, should I live so long.

And that’s the most compelling reason to read Leanne’s book, I think. If you are grieving, this book assures us that this is a part of life we simply must accept and make room to explore.

The ‘bedeviling problem of age’ and untimely death

So, this potentially bedeviling problem of age was the first thing Leanne and I talked about in our interview about her book. The question that so many of us have wrestled with for years is: Does grief haunt us forever or are there ways to turn our paths, as we carry these memories, toward the hope of finding hope someday. Her book argues that there can be such a transformation—and I agree.

I said to Leanne: “One reason I want to recommend your book is your age, your sister’s age when she died, and what I think is this book’s value for millions of younger adults who are on this incredibly difficult journey—at what feels like an untimely age. Do you think I’m right in saying that?”

“I agree,” Leanne said. “I do think what you’re saying lines up with all the younger people who have connected with me online through my website and my Instagram page.” (That Instagram page, @grieving.room, has 34,000 followers!)

“When I lost my sister Roxanne, I was 35, and I couldn’t think of anyone I knew who had lost a sibling at my age,” Leanne said. “Often, the first loss in a person’s family is a much older relative like a grandparent—and those can be very shocking losses for people, of course—but that’s a different grieving experience than losing a sibling at such a young age.

“When you hit grief prematurely, you do feel profoundly alone—so I appreciate your saying that this book addresses that for readers. If my story can help other younger adults, then I am honored to be part of that. That’s why I continue to post to the Instagram @grieving.room—I can see from the responses that I get online that we do need to help each other make room.”

Why is this book ‘daring’?

I describe this book as “daring,” because it’s rare to read such an honest memoir by a pastor still in active ministry—especially when Leanne warns us about all the dumb stuff some acquaintances tend to say and do after a death in the family. She describes this honestly so that we, in our own grieving processes, will know we’re not alone in feeling hurt or bewildered by such responses—and to warn us away from repeating such things to folks we love when they are grieving.

Finding what we think are “wise words” after a death is an almost universal temptation. Especially after a traumatic death in one’s family, we receive a waterfall of well-meaning wishes from folks reassuring us that we can “cope,” “survive” and “get over it.” Such wishes—often accompanied by biblical-sounding adages—can have the opposite effect. If you have grieved, you probably recall all the unhelpful lines you heard—if not, read Leanne’s book to discover them.

At times in this memoir, Leanne admits to boiling with rage at thoughtless comments. She uses the word “anger” 34 times and “angry” 47 times—then “rage” or “raging” pop up 29 times, not to mention a fair number of times Leanne admits to having been “mad” or wanting to “scream.”

But, please, don’t get me wrong! This is a truly loving book. Leanne’s Instagram @grieving.room and her personal presence in our hour-long Zoom interview made it clear to me that she’s an exceptionally loving and generous person.

“I’m impressed that you write so honestly,” I told Leanne. “How did you summon the courage?”

“I decided to write honestly about these things because so many people misunderstand grief. Myths about death and grief are so common,” Leanne said in response. “I can tell you that, when someone walks up to me to talk at a funeral home, I’m mentally rolling the dice on what I’m about to hear them say. Sometimes people know what to say, but—all too often, what comes out is something that isn’t helpful—and may even be hurtful.

“That was one of my hopes in writing this book: I want people to know they don’t have an obligation to go ‘say something helpful’ to a grieving person,” Leanne said. “People who are grieving at a funeral don’t need friends to come up and theologize to them. They’re in the midst of grief. You don’t have to try to teach them something. There are so many other ways you can be helpful to them—ways that I write about in the book. I tried to make this book as helpful as possible.”

For example, she said, “I want people to to realize how long grief lasts—for years, just like we’ve been saying in this interview. Anyone who wants to be supportive to a griever should assume that anyone who has lost someone in the last year or two is still thinking about that—most likely every day. They’re likely still walking around in a bubble of grief. That’s certainly the way I was walking around for a very long time after Roxanne’s death. But people forget that, after a loss, especially a too-young loss or a traumatic loss, your life doesn’t go back to how it was before that loss.”

So, what can we do?
Start by ‘making room’

If you read Leanne’s book, you will discover that this is one of the most important “take aways” from Leanne’s book: We should help each other to make space in our lives for all the changes and challenges that come in the years after a loss.

In fact, Leanne is so intentional and practical about providing assistance that she closes her book with a 40-page section called “Reflections, Practices, and Prayers.” It’s a step-by-step series of suggestions for either individual practice or for group discussion and action.

And all of this rests on the central metaphor of “room”—the space grieving people need for a very long time after a traumatic death to adjust to the new world they are experiencing. “Room” is such a powerful metaphor that Leanne’s Instagram “room” is drawing new followers every day. When we met for this Zoom interview a few weeks ago, she was talking about the 31,000 people who had connected with her in that Instagram room—and this week, the total is already 34,000.

So, what is this “room” everyone’s buzzing about?

Well, that’s why you should order a copy of Leanne’s book in which all 20 chapter titles start with the word “room.” Between these covers, you’ll find a book-length amount of ideas to consider. But here’s just one example:

She makes a point in her book of recommending A Hole in the World, a recently published reflection on grief by Amanda Held Opelt, the sister of best-selling author Rachel Held Evans, who died at age 37. Leanne appreciates the way that book emphasizes the need to help younger people who are grieving “to make room for the rituals of death” in the midst of their own busy lives with the pressures of daily work and perhaps caring for children.

Then, in our interview, Leanne touched on one of her own favorite examples of “making room”: “I will never forget the two friends who understood what I was going through and made room for me in a practical way when Roxanne died. They had lost their father when they were in their 20s,” Leanne said. “They understood grief at an early age.”

In the book, she writes that these two friends responded to Leanne’s loss by volunteering to provide childcare to allow Leanne the uninterrupted “room we needed to remember Roxanne.” Leanne writes:

My children at the time were just 2 and 5 years old. … We didn’t have access to babysitters we knew who wouldn’t also need to attend the service, so I had wondered what we would do A few days before, I got a call from my friends, Jan and Jill, twins I had known since I was born. They explained to me that they had each taken the day off work so they could babysit my children during the funeral. I will never, ever forget this kindness. They were making room for our rituals, and in so doing, they made room for my grief. I felt swallowed up in compassion. I felt the blessing as we mourned.

‘Making room for hope’

After her years of navigating grief, Leanne has a great instinct for how she can now bless others by making room for them. She is a pastor, a scholar and now serves as a regional leader in her Canadian denomination. She also has become a popular retreat speaker and guest on many podcasts and online platforms. She earned her MDiv from McMaster University, plus a post-graduate certificate in death and bereavement from Wilfred Laurier University.

Her writing bears the marks of a thoughtful, natural storyteller who chooses each word for a precise effect. On the final page of her last chapter, Leanne writes that she hopes her readers will, someday, be able to make “room for the hope that you will not just get through your grief but that there can be ways that you will become a version of yourself that you will be glad to be.”

I love that phrasing because I so clearly recognize a fellow passenger through grief in that wording. Did you catch her nuance? She’s not promising readers that they will, indeed, “get through” their grief. She’s hoping that they will someday make room for hope. That sentence alone proves the illustrates of the wisdom of this book.

Care to learn more?

Want to connect with Leanne? Visit her at her website, LeanneFriesen.com, and visit her ever-growing Instagram community of friends @grieving.room

If you care to read a kindred book about rediscovering resilience after grief and other traumas, get a copy of Jeffrey Munroe’s new Telling Stories in the Dark. Both Leanne’s and Jeff’s books feel contemporary, honest and forward looking. These wise authors—both well acquainted with grief—are simply sitting down with us and sharing their hard-earned wisdom. They’re telling their stories, which millions of us need to hear—because they also are our own.

I closed my Goodreads review of Leanne’s book this way:

My hope is that many readers will find hope between these covers. And may Leanne Friesen continue writing for many decades until her life is so bursting with wonderment that we get the sequel to this wise and welcoming volume. And, God willing, may I be around to write another 5-star review.

Rusty Rosman is ‘keeping chaos from overlaying grief’ in ‘Two Envelopes’

Photo by Rodney Curtis

Readers are telling Rusty about challenges they have faced—and the value of her ‘Two Envelopes’

Have you discussed with your family: What will you wear?

By DAVID CRUMM
and RUSTY ROSMAN

“The stories I’ve heard!” Rusty Rosman told our publishing-house team this week as we discussed the enthusiastic interest in her new book, Two Envelopes: What You Want Your Loved Ones to Know When You Die. The book’s national launch date is this week: Tuesday, February 20, 2024.

As is the case with most book releases, Rusty already has been meeting with groups of pre-release readers who want to discuss her book. She has been learning a lot from families about what makes this book especially valuable.

Click the cover to visit the book’s Amazon page.

“I was surprised by some of the things that can cause big problems in families when a loved one dies,” Rusty said.

Of course, Rusty was not surprised at the deep emotion surrounding the end of life. That’s why she wrote this book—and early reviewers confirm that.

“I truly believe that everyone could benefit from following this guide,” wrote one professional who works with families after a death.

“This book is an incredible gift to/for your family,” wrote another reviewer.

Rusty puts it this way: “We know that three of the most emotional times in our lives are our marriage, birth of our children and the death of a loved one. We cannot predict how we will react at these times but our emotions come out whether we’re expecting them or not. Two Envelopes helps keep chaos at bay when dealing with the emotions of the death of your loved one.”

But what about the question: What will you wear?

“I will admit that I was surprised by the number of people who want to talk about clothing,” Rusty told us this week. “I mean, I knew that was an issue, so I included it in the book—but the stories! I heard more stories about clothing than I expected.”

As you read this column, are you wondering about that question yourself?

Eventually, families confront this question. So, Rusty wrote the following to explain more about this often very challenging question:

One of the most emotional topics of family discussion when a loved one dies—and it can even become an argument—is what their loved one will wear for viewing and burial. Even if cremation is chosen, there often is a viewing before the final service.

I am amazed at how emotional this topic is. So many people have shared heartbreaking stories with me, which brings me to write about this—so your family can avoid this troubling conversation.

My recommendation in Two Envelopes is clear: Don’t leave this question for someone else to answer. You need to think about your life and how you want your clothing to reflect your life choices. Do you prefer a more formal approach such as a suit—or is the joy you had, for example, as a farmer better reflected in your coveralls? Is a dress from a special occasion what you want to wear when your loved ones and friends come to your viewing or does more casual clothing reflect who you are?

It’s amazing how controversial clothing is when your loved ones are left to answer this question. A member of one family told me that they almost came to blows over this issue—and, once a decision was made, some siblings are still angry and not speaking to one another.

Let me be clear about this: Clothing choice should not be the end of the road for family relationships!

So, I advise readers of Two Envelopes to write down what you want. That’s one of many, many details I advise readers to write down and place in the two envelopes mentioned in the book’s title.

Do you have a beloved baseball cap you always wore? A favorite outfit or scarf? What
clothing reflects who you are? Choose how you want to be dressed. No one really knows what
you want but you.

And here’s another tip about clothing: Sometimes many years and pounds have passed since you made your clothing choice. You might want to revisit your choice and change your preference—which is easy when your wishes are available in your handy envelopes. You can simply change the information in the envelopes.

One woman told me about a friend who made it known that her preferred outfit could be found on a pink satin hanger in her closet. Except, when she died, friends discovered the hanger was empty! So many years had passed, and her size had changed, so she had given that outfit away—but had forgotten to replaced it on the special hanger.

What to do!?! Well, those friends were at a loss, but I explain in my book the importance of quickly making such changes by revising the notes in your envelopes. I also advise people to describe the general type of clothing they prefer, which is helpful if you don’t have a specific outfit set aside. Guide your loved ones so they won’t start arguing about it.

Now, be honest: As you read this column, are you shaking your head? Does this sound ridiculous?

Well, it most definitely is not.

Recently, a man told me how upset he still is years after his father died, because his father was buried in a suit. Siblings fought about what their father should wear and the suit won out. “But Dad never wore a suit to work in his life! I’m still upset about that,” this man told me. Had his father been given the opportunity to make his choice clear to his family, this son is convinced that the suit would have been avoided. Years have passed and he’s still upset about that.

Although the choice of clothing is so important—it should not be fuel for a family fight.

That’s the reason I wrote Two Envelopes.

Yes, this book is a guide to end-of-life decisions, but really—it’s a step-by-step process you can follow at your own pace, now, to keep the chaos of family arguments from overlaying your loved ones’ grief someday.

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Get the book and connect with Rusty now

You can pre-order your copy right now in hardcover, paperback or Kindle from Amazon.

Or, if you prefer, you can order hardcover, paperback or eBook from Barnes & Noble.

Even the giant retailer Walmart has decided to carry this book among its online offerings.

In fact, you can buy this book from bookstores nationwide. If you have a favorite neighborhood bookstore, stop in now and ask at the counter to pre-order a copy of Two Envelopes. Rusty’s book is distributed worldwide by the wholesale giant Ingram, which serves nearly every bookstore in North America.

AND CONSIDER CONNECTING WITH RUSTY

In 2024, Rusty Rosman will be crisscrossing the U.S. both in person and virtually. She’s a delightful speaker and workshop leader who you can invite to appear easily via Zoom if you would like her to talk with your small group or class.

How do you reach Rusty? Simply visit this Front Edge Publishing author page, scroll down a bit and you will find all of Rusty’s contact information.

Rusty Rosman invites us to shape our own legacies through ‘Two Envelopes’

Rusty Rosman, author of Two Envelopes.

Rusty Rosman, author of Two Envelopes, welcomes invitations to speak with discussion groups and classes either in person or via Zoom. Click on this photo of Rusty to visit her main author page online, where you can learn much more about her upcoming book—and how to connect directly with Rusty. (Photo by Rodney Curtis.)


‘What You Want Your Loved Ones to Know When You Die’

By DAVID CRUMM
Editor of ReadTheSpirit magazine

Click the cover to visit the book’s Amazon page.

In 17 years as the Editor in Chief of our publishing house, we’ve published lots of books with helpful resources for individuals and families—knowing that these books are keys to resilience, hope and peace in our world. Every day, our publishing house team-members are guided by our founding mission: “Good media builds healthy communities.”

That goal certainly is met by Rusty Rosman’s unique new book, Two Envelopeswhich is launching across Amazon and other bookstores around the world on February 20.

The book’s subtitle is What You Want Your Loved Ones to Know When You Die.

If that subtitle sounds grim—just consider for a moment what Rusty tells readers on her first page: “It’s not always easy to think about dying—but each of us will, ready or not.”

In short, we all need this book.

How does this book build “resilience and hope”? By explaining a step-by-step process through which each of us—whatever our age might be right now—can clearly express what we hope our legacy will be in the world. We follow Rusty’s wise guidance as we read through the pages of this book, then we prepare our materials as she suggests, and finally we store them for the future in—yes, Two Envelopes.

Does this book really contribute to “peace in our world”? Certainly! If you have not already experience this yourself, then—as a lifelong journalist—I can tell you that millions of families have experienced deep hurt from arguments over “who does what” and “who gets what” as part of Mom’s or Dad’s legacy. One reason Two Envelopes is such a valuable guidebook is that those stumbling blocks can be removed as we outline our own expectations for our families—then save that record of our hopes for the future.

And, yes, that’s truly can be a powerful, loving act of family peacemaking.

Who should buy this book?

Everyone.

As Rusty puts it so clearly—death will come for all of us. Every one of us hopes that our legacy will be positive and loving. We don’t want to leave confusion or, worse yet, a family feud in our wake. Rusty’s book leads readers through that whole process of thinking about the future—and then laying out what we hope will happen after we’ve left this place.

Early readers who have gone through her book describe it as a self-revealing and wonderfully reassuring process of reflecting on the meaning and the ultimate impact of our lives.

Early reviewers say Rusty’s book “gives us peace of mind,” “a sense of control over how things will be handled in my family,” “compassion” and that the book even provides a much-appreciated dose of “love” to our families and friends.

“This book is an incredible gift to/for your family,” wrote Ida Goutman, an expert in counseling individuals and families.

“I truly believe that everyone could benefit from following the guide that she has provided,” wrote Joshua Tobias, one of Michigan’s leading funeral directors.

Get the book and connect with Rusty now

You can pre-order your copy right now in hardcover, paperback or Kindle from Amazon.

Or, if you prefer, you can order hardcover, paperback or eBook from Barnes & Noble.

Even the giant retailer Walmart has decided to carry this book among its online offerings.

In fact, you can buy this book from bookstores nationwide. If you have a favorite neighborhood bookstore, stop in now and ask at the counter to pre-order a copy of Two Envelopes. Rusty’s book is distributed worldwide by the wholesale giant Ingram, which serves nearly every bookstore in North America.

And Consider Connecting with Rusty

In 2024, Rusty Rosman will be crisscrossing the U.S. both in person and virtually. She’s a delightful speaker and workshop leader who you can invite to appear easily via Zoom if you would like her to talk with your small group or class.

How do you reach Rusty? Simply visit this Front Edge Publishing author page, scroll down a bit and you will find all of Rusty’s contact information.

Launching this week—’Telling Stories in the Dark’ invites readers to discover the healing power of community

And readers already are sending enthusiastic thanks for author Jeffrey Munroe’s inspiring new book

COVER STORY: Our entire team of writers and editors is thankful this week for the shower of encouraging notes from early readers of author Jeffrey Munroe’s new Telling Stories in the Dark: Finding healing and hope in sharing our sadness, grief, trauma, and pain

His book is officially launching this week via Amazon in hardcover and paperback, as well as via Barnes & Noble, Walmart and other booksellers.

One of the warmest emails was from a therapist who had received a pre-publication copy and loves the book so much that she has decided to place a copy on the table in her waiting room. She emailed Jeff to tell him she’s now ordering more copies, because that book is so attractive that she knows some of her clients will want to take it home! She needs more copies to keep the book available on her table.

And, please, don’t simply take our word for it about the value of this book: We also are pleased to share a link with our ReadTheSpirit readers this week to veteran journalist Bill Tammeus’s review of Jeff’s book in which Bill calls this “an enormously helpful book.” Bill headlined his review: Confronting trauma not with explanations but with love

Want to read a sample? This is the first book in our new Reformed Journal Books imprint and that online magazine—The Reformed Journal—has published their own column heralding the book’s official publication-date this week. The Journal editors chose to provide a brief excerpt from Jeff’s book, headlined: The Thing with Feathers, which was Emily Dickinson’s famous description of “hope.”

Got more questions? Perhaps we’ve already asked Jeff a question that might be in your mind. Last week, we published this Q&A with Jeff, based on the kinds of questions folks have been raising as they have learned about the launch of this new book.

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Jeffrey Munroe on the power of ‘Telling Stories in the Dark’: ‘When we tell our stories, others find their own healing and hope’

Click on this cover to visit the book’s Amazon page, where it will be available in Kindle, paperback and hardcover after the January 30, 2024, launch date. So, please order now for prompt delivery. The book also is available via Barnes & Noble, Walmart, Bookshop.org and other bookstores nationwide. And there’s even more: Readers also can learn much more about this book—and can download a free discussion guideby visiting the Reformed Journal Books page.

In Recognizing the Harmonies between Our Stories, We May Rediscover God’s Creative Music in Our World

By DAVID CRUMM
Editor of ReadTheSpirit magazine

Healing. Hope.

Don’t those two words sound wondrously powerful? And—don’t those two words seem desperately needed by all of us in our troubled world, today? That’s why I responded so enthusiastically on behalf of our publishing house the moment journalist, author and pastor Jeffrey Munroe proposed his new book to me.

“Telling our stories—that’s where we find healing and hope,” Jeff said to me and instantly I knew I was collaborating with a kindred spirit. Of course, I was already a fan of Jeff’s earlier book-length introduction to the works of our mutual mentor Frederick Buechner, Reading Buechner. I have been a life-long reader of everything Buechner has written and, as a journalist myself, had the opportunity to interview Buechner several times over the decades.

Both Jeff and I credit our mentor with laying out this wisdom about storytelling. Here’s just one of Buechner’s many formulations of this powerful truth:

“My story is important not because it is mine, God knows, but because if I tell it anything like right, the chances are you will recognize that in many ways it is also yours. … It is precisely through these stories in all their particularity, as I have long believed and often said, that God makes himself known to each of us most powerfully and personally.”

This week, our publishing house team is preparing to launch Jeff’s bookTelling Stories in the Dark: Finding healing and hope in sharing our sadness, grief, trauma, and pain. In preparing this news to share with the world, we asked early readers of this book what questions they hope interviewers will ask Jeff as he embarks on a series of public outreach events.

And please stay tuned to our ReadTheSpirit weekly magazine—and to the magazine where Jeff is the Editor, The Reformed Journalfor an ongoing series of news items about the many ways Jeff and his new book will be touching lives around the world in 2024. (By the way: There’s even a “Books” section now in The Reformed Journal’s website for news about this new book and future books we plan to produce with Reformed Journal partners over the next few years.)

Questions Readers Want to Ask Jeffrey Munroe

Jeffrey Munroe with his wife Gretchen in Holland, Michigan. Their mutual story also is a part of this book.

We’re starting our public outreach this week—as we count down to the national release of Jeff’s book on January 30—by asking the questions most folks hoped we would ask him.

Question: How did you come to write Telling Stories in the Dark? What led you to be interested in this topic?

Jeffrey Munroe’s Answer: The pandemic set me on this path. I knew seven people who died in the first year of the COVID pandemic and that made me think: If I know seven people, imagine the multiples of what this means across the general population? How in the world do we even talk about such enormous, widespread loss? I was having trouble reckoning with the loss myself—and I realized we all would need fresh resources, ideas for finding help together.

Also, my book Reading Buechner had launched just a few months before the pandemic hit and I lost opportunities to talk about that book because so many things were cancelled. But, I did find myself talking about the book with people at a church in my hometown—and I mentioned Buechner’s idea of “stewardship of pain”—and a woman asked me if I would talk with her further about that idea. When I began talking with her, I realized that I didn’t have as many answers as she had questions about this. What does it mean to work with our pain in ways that will lead us toward hope and healing? So, that woman’s questions led me to want to know much more about this. And, the fact that she asked me those questions showed me something else: We tend to think about pain or the experience of loss as something that happens to us individually—but talking about these stories opens doors to others.

I kept thinking about that question: What would it mean, after experiencing a loss or trauma, if we took that experience and did something with it that might bring healing to ourselves and to others?

Frederick Buechner flips a parable to explore ‘the stewardship of pain’

Question: How does this new book build on Reading Buechner, your previous book?

Answer: Reading Buechner is not a biography of Frederick Buechner, although I do cover biographical details. He was a prolific memoirist himself, so readers tend to know a lot about his life already, plus there have been academic, critical reflections on his life and work published on several occasions. Instead, I wrote this book for people who may have heard his name and are curious enough to wonder: What should I read? There are so many books out there you could choose—and he was a master of multiple genres, so you could choose novels or memoirs or other kinds of books! So, in Reading Buechner, I took 10 of his 40 books that I consider essentials and helped readers to see why those were good starting points.

If readers are looking for the phrase “the stewardship of pain,” I found it in an essay titled Adolescence and the Stewardship of Pain in the book The Clown in the Belfry. Buechner looks at the parable of the ‘talents’ in Matthew 25 in which Jesus tells about a man going on a journey who gives pieces of his property to be managed by his servants. Usually, in all the sermons I’ve heard about this passage, it’s about how we should manage our resources, our money and property, a pretty literal reading of the parable. But Frederick Buechner totally flips the parable around by asking: What if pain is the thing we’re given in life—and our temptation is to bury that pain and hold it inside of ourselves. The reality is that burying pain doesn’t work. Anything we bury like pain won’t stay buried. So what could it mean if we tried to do something redemptive with that pain?

People are willing to share their stories—if we are prepared to listen

Question: How did you find people to tell their stories in this book?

Answer: That’s the rub here. I did wonder: Are people willing to take the risk of sharing these kinds of stories? I discovered that, yes, people are willing to tell their stories if you ask them—and you are prepared to spend the time to listen carefully.

I’m finding this in discussion groups, too. Even before the book’s launch date, I’ve been able to discuss the book with early readers. I’m hearing some remarkable stories shared in those discussion groups. People are willing to share—even though our culture for many years has told us to hide these kinds of experiences. If we encounter loss and trauma, we’re told by lots of well-meaning people around us that we should just “get over it” as quickly as possible. But it doesn’t work that way. These stories are deep inside of us and can keep affecting us sometimes for many many years.

Instead, when we name our pain and talk about it with others, we find not only healing and hope ourselves—but others can find their own healing and hope. That’s what Frederick Buechner is talking about in that famous quote about telling our stories so others can recognize their own.

An insight shared with the 12 Step movement

Question: And this is an insight that lies at the core of the 12 Step movement, as well. That’s what Bill W discovered and it has helped millions of lives around the world. As recently as November, I was moved by actor Hank Azaria’s tribute in the New York Times to Matthew Perry for taking him to a 12 Step meeting. So, this idea of the transformative power of telling our stories rests on a deep foundation, doesn’t it?

Answer: Even Frederick Buechner once said that the church should look a lot more like an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting than it does.

Question: And, of course in your book, you welcome into each chapter this wide range of experts and scholars to talk about these gripping true stories we’re reading. That makes this book a real page-turner! As each chapter opens, we are immersed in another compelling true story, then in the second half of the chapter, an expert discusses that story with you. I know as I read your book, I began starting each chapter wondering: Will I be able to spot the key moments in the story that the expert will highlight?

Millions of books have been published and it’s possible someone else has used that format, but it seemed unique to me—that chapter-by-chapter pairing of people. How did you come up with that format of matching a different expert with each story?

Answer: I’m proud to say that I thought of that format myself. And part of that idea may have been because I’m a journalist. As journalists, we’re not setting ourselves up as The Expert; our role is to find people to interview who are the real experts.

When I started working on this book, I did try to read as much as I could in these fields of pain, loss and trauma—but I realized that the best use of my skills was to act as a reporter and interview people who know a lot about these issues. So, then, my challenge became: Can I match each person telling their story with someone who has real wisdom and insight into that kind of experience? I think that matching of people in each chapter really is a unique strength of this book.

For people of all ages

Question: Is this book intended solely for people who have gone through tragedy? Who is your target
audience?

Answer: No, this isn’t just for people who have gone through tragedy. This is a book for all of us, because we all will go through some kind of tragedy or a loved one will—even if we have not experienced that already.

Question: I’m thinking of Queen Elizabeth’s comment after the attacks on 9/11: “Grief is the price we pay for love.” Just as Buechner wrote about it, pain is something that happens in life—it’s something we all can expect to receive. And that makes this book appropriate for a very wide age range, doesn’t it? Can’t you imagine how different a discussion among college students might be from a discussion among older adults?

Answer: I’ve already heard that, yes. I shared this with an adult education class at a church and I asked: “Who do you see as the audience for this book?”

One woman said, “It ought to be a text in a senior seminar at every college. This is the kind of thing they should be talking about at that age. It’s equipment they need for living as they walk out into their lives.”

So, yes, I’m already hearing that this can be a good book for many different age groups.

Connecting with Jeffrey Munroe

Question: You mentioned that you’re available to lead discussions about Telling Stories in the Dark. How would someone go about reaching out to you?

Answer: Visit my website, JeffreyMunroe.com, then click on the “Contact” link.

If people visit my book’s page at ReformedJournal.com, they also will find a free Study Guide they can download to help with individual reflection or group discussions.

Ordering your own copy

Question: And where can readers purchase your book?

Answer: The book is available via Amazon, where readers can choose Kindle, paperback or hardcover editions. The book also is available via Barnes & Noble, Walmart, Bookshop.org and other bookstores nationwide.