Chanukah (Hanukkah) and Christmas are two different holidays united by love of family

December 9, 2024 by Rusty Rosman

By RUSTY ROSMAN
Author of Two Envelopes

Chanukah or Hanukkah, which can be spelled numerous ways, and Christmas, which is only spelled this way, are two different holidays belonging to different religions. Even if they occur on top of one another does not mean they are the same.

Please, let me explain.

Christmas focuses on the 25th of December and commemorates the birth of Christ, the founder of Christianity.

Chanukah starts on the 25th of Kislev, not commemorating any one person, and lasts for eight days. Kislev is the 9th month in the traditional, Jewish lunar calendar. That’s why the date that Chanukah begins seems to be different each year, compared with the secular calendar. Our lunar months are shorter than in the secular system—and we occasionally add an extra month to “catch up” with the movement of the moon. We make that occasional adjustment because many of our festivals relate to cycles in the natural world, so they need to remain in the right seasons, over time.

Christmas is celebrated for varying lengths of time in different Christian traditions. There are entire books on how customs related to Christmas, sometimes called “The Nativity,” are celebrated around the world. Some Christians fast in preparation; most don’t. Some start earlier than others preparing for Christmas; some make “Christmas” last for many days after the official holiday. Some Christians still follow centuries-old traditional calendars that “move” their Christmas to entirely different dates on the secular calendar.

Compared with that diversity, Chanukah traditions are universal. The festival is celebrated for eight days and recalls a wonderful story. More than 2,000 years ago, a foreign ruler had tried his best to destroy our faith and to desecrate the Temple in Jerusalem—but a rebel group led by the Maccabees led a successful struggle for religious freedom. When they went to clean and and reconsecrate the Temple, they were amazed to find one tiny jar of holy oil left to rekindle the eternal light that had always burned in the Temple. It looked like enough to burn for only one day. Then, a miracle happened! That jar of oil lasted for eight days.

Today, we use an eight-branch candleholder, a Menorah. There is a ninth candle called the Shamas, which is used to kindle the candles each day. We begin the holiday by lighting just one candle and add a candle the next night so there are two and so on until eight candles are lit on the last night of the holiday. We celebrate by singing songs and eating foods cooked in oil like potato pancakes. In Israel and elsewhere around the world, donuts (sufganiyot in Hebrew) are a popular Chanukah treat.

So where do the presents come in? This was not an original Chanukah tradition, but began in Europe as Christmas became a holiday signified by decorations and gifts for the children in the house. Gift giving became even more popular in the 20th Century, usually so Jewish children wouldn’t feel left out while their Christian friends received gifts.

So, there is a concern many parents and grandparents share: Sometimes, gift giving seems to have overtaken the religious significance of these holidays.

Holidays like these should focus on family—and family means food. Lots of food!

Think about Norman Rockwell and his paintings of the Four Freedoms. The fabulous “Freedom from Want” painting of the family around the table as the grandmother serves a turkey invokes what all of us wish was true for our families—generations celebrating together.

This can be one of the greatest pleasures of celebrating our holidays: Being with loved ones, remembering holidays-past celebrated with those no longer with us—love and caring.

Gathering with people you care about at this time of year strengthens you in ways that aren’t always easy to express. Christmas and Chanukah are religious holidays that can include gifts but most of all, they are holidays of family, friends, happy remembrances, sometimes tears but most of all, love.

Care to learn more?

Visit Rusty Rosman’s website to learn about her ongoing schedule as she continues, like Missy, to help groups of men and women across the country engage with these issues we all will encounter someday.

Rusty Rosman endorses Missy Buchanan’s new book as a true ‘touchstone for living through heartache’

November 10, 2024 by Rusty Rosman

Click the cover to visit the book’s Amazon page.

Two experts on end of life meet over Missy’s new memoir, ‘Feeling Your Way Through Grief’

EDITOR’S NOTE: Missy Buchanan is famous for writing about the spiritual values that strengthen us as we age. She is beloved by her thousands of readers because of her absolute honesty about the tough challenges we all face near the end of life—and also about the resilience we can reliably draw from our faith. That’s why her readers now are so warmly welcoming Missy back with her new memoir, Feeling Your Way through Grief, which tells how Missy made it through the many personal milestones she faced after the death of her husband. Rusty Rosman became one of Missy’s friends when Rusty published her own new book about planning for the end of life, called Two Envelopes. In fact, Missy first wrote about the death of her husband in a special Foreword Missy wrote for Rusty’s book. Now, both authors are crisscrossing the country talking to men and women about the need—first and foremost—to talk honestly about these issues now, before they become a reality in their lives. Our online magazine asked Rusty to reflect on Missy’s book. Here is what Rusty wrote about her friend’s work …

By RUSTY ROSMAN
Author of Two Envelopes

Grief hurts.

Missy Buchanan’s new book breaks your heart.

Her grief after the death of her husband is tangible in nearly every page of Feeling Your Way through Grief. As Missy acknowledges, life goes on—but the question is: How are we supposed to live it?

As I read through Missy’s short chapters, based on her experiences during the first year without her husband, I could see what was down the road for me or my husband when one of us dies. Each of us knows we will keep on breathing—but can we really appreciate how much our living is tied so intricately with our partner?

We share a home, laugh, cry, fight, eat, reminisce, plan, and do so many other things together—how will it be possible to do those things alone, someday?

Missy’s book lifts the veil that covers grief for most of us. Loneliness is a huge part of it but that’s just one part.

The loss of a spouse cuts deeper into our very definition as individuals. When death comes for one of us, suddenly we lose our definition of ourselves as part of a unit. It’s gone, never to be what it was again. Where is that old confidence that you can do anything because your partner is there to support you, laugh or shake their head at you?

You still can do anything—but the will and the satisfaction may vanish.

Page by page, Missy shares each new “first” after her husband’s death—and how beyond imaginable it is to navigate the new world she lives in without her husband. It breaks your heart and, at the same time, touches that part of you that recognizes the truths Missy shares. Each of us dreads that day when it’s our turn to learn what Missy now knows.

As the author of Two Envelopes: What You Want Your Loved Ones to Know When You Die, I talk with readers every week about these universal issues in our lives. Through these nationwide conversations, I have learned what will touch and help readers in their grief.

And, I can tell you a couple of things that I know are true about Feeling Your Way Through Grief:

If you are married, then this book will touch you. You’ll know right away that Missy’s book is real.

And that’s the central truth that guides both of us in our work: Honesty.

Thank you, Missy for this wonderful new book that can become a touchstone for living through heartache. I highly recommend this book as a validation of your feelings—feelings that so many of us are not even aware will be coming.

Care to learn more?

Visit Missy Buchanan’s website to learn much more about her ongoing work and her many books.

Are you preparing for Passover with family and friends?

April 15, 2024 by Rusty Rosman

Photos courtesy of the Rosman family.

Rusty Rosman shows us how she makes—and transports—a family holiday favorite:

Nema’s Traveling Matzah Ball Soup

EDITOR’S NOTE—We are wishing our Jewish colleagues and neighbors well as they prepare for Passover with family and friends—starting on the night of April 22. Right now, Jewish families around the world already are planning for this traditional festival. These special seder meals are a lot of work! Rusty Rosman is the author of the new book, Two Envelopes, and she’s a grandmother who travels with her matzoh ball soup to various family homes as Passover begins—so she has developed a way to make that beloved soup quite portable. If you enjoy her column, please share it with friends across social media. All of us want to warmly celebrate with our Jewish friends at a time when antisemitism has risen to the highest levels the FBI has seen in their tracking of hate crimes.

By RUSTY ROSMAN
Author of Two Envelopes

I’m a very lucky Nema!

My oldest grandson took the name Grandma and turned it into Nema and I’ve been Nema ever since. I love the uniqueness of Nema and now it has an official place in our family history as the official name of:

Nema’s Matzah Ball Soup

And, yes, because we love our grandchildren so much, I have to admit that we’ve also made room for an alternative name for this family delicacy. When my youngest grandson was 5 years old, he couldn’t remember the kind of Nema’s soup he wanted—so he thought really hard and then yelled: “Mozzarella Soup!”

This coming week, I will be serving up this delicious soup to those eager grandchildren—whatever they manage to call it.

Matzah Ball Soup had its origins as a Passover food because matzah is a major part of the biblical story. These balls are made of very finely ground matzah flour that is only allowed to rise for 18 minutes. The matzah balls in chicken soup were so dearly loved that they became year-round delights.

Every year during Passover, there’s always the question: Did your grandma make hard or soft matzah balls? What’s your preference?

My family loves the soft. My six grandchildren firmly believe that every holiday meal menu is just Nema’s Matzah Ball Soup! Each child must have 3 matzah balls in their soup bowl—and there should be more in the pot if they want seconds.

So, here’s the story of Nema’s matzah ball soup.

I begin days ahead of a holiday because I make so much.

For the broth, I use 20 pounds of kosher chicken, the full sleeve of celery and three big carrots, six large onions, the whole bundle of parsley and dill and 3 large parsnips. And of course, salt and pepper.

First, the chicken is divided between two 20 quart pots which I cook at the same time. I put in the chicken, the salt and pepper and then cover the chicken with water—plus not too much more. Then the vegetables go into the pots.

I cook this for 3 hours.

Then the fun begins. I separate the vegetables into different bowls; the chicken goes into a huge bowl; and my husband pours the soup through a strainer into another huge pot. I push the green vegetables through the strainer so I get the liquid but not the green stuff.

Remember—we’ve been working with two pots. Now, I wash one of the pots, put a strainer over the pot and put a large piece of paper towel in the strainer. Then, using a one quart pot, I pour hot soup into the strainer with the paper towel, which picks up all the little particles that I don’t want in the soup. I keep changing the paper towel until all the soup has been stained. Now I have a very clear soup.

Just like my mom did, I push the carrots through the strainer so they go into the soup as tiny pieces. My husband does the heavy lifting of the pot so, after it cools for a few hours, we put the pot into the refrigerator (on a towel) where it sits overnight. The next morning, he lifts the pot out of the refrigerator and puts it into the sink—it’s so much easier on my arms than when the pot is up on the counter. I run paper towel over the top of the soup to skim the congealed fat from the chicken.

Once it’s clear, I stir the soup so the carrot is all around and not sitting on the bottom of the pot. I freeze the soup by the number of soup plates I’m serving. (Example: A gallon-size zip-lock bag will hold 6 servings; the quart size holds 2 servings.) Next, I carefully—really very carefully—lay the bags on the freezer shelf one on top of the other. Then, I pray that I sealed them well and they won’t leak! It can take up to 24 hours for all of the bags to freeze solid.

Then it’s time for matzah balls!

My gorgeous grandchildren can easily go through 50 in one holiday and that’s not counting the 6 adults! I make a dozen matzah balls a day. (The recipe’s on the box.)

I freeze those on a cookie sheet covered in parchment paper. Once they’re frozen, I bag them and back into the freezer they go.

This goes on for days!

Finally, it will be travel time. Since my children live in different states, we drive for hours to get to their homes. So, I take one of the 20 quart pots and load it with the frozen soup and the frozen matzah balls. They travel well that way. The fun begins when we arrive and the kids start counting the matzah balls and jostling to see who gets to carry them into the house!

I am the luckiest Nema in the whole world because 6 wonderful grandchildren hug me and tell me that I make the best matzah ball soup in the entire world. And I believe them because that’s all they want to eat at the holiday dinner.

I have two grandchildren that even eat it for breakfast!

My joy in making this soup overrides all the work—and it is a lot to do! But the fun I have thinking about how happy my family is to eat this soup makes it a pure pleasure to create this memory.

I am the luckiest Nema in the entire world.

Photo by Rodney Curtis
www.RodneyCurtis.com
@rcurtis on Twitter
@that_rodney_guy on Instagram
[email protected]

Care to learn more?

VISIT RUSTY ROSMAN’s author website to learn much more about her new book: Two Envelopes—What You Want Your Loved Ones to Know When You Die.

In 2024, Rusty is considering lots of requests to appear on podcasts, in interviews, and in community groups either in person or via Zoom. She is especially popular in small groups both Jewish and Christian congregations—and meets with groups of professionals who care for our millions of aging loved ones.

Care to connect? Scroll down on her author website to learn how to contact her.

Interested in her book? Two Envelopes is available via Amazon in hardcover, paperback and Kindle. It’s also listed on Barnes & Noble, Walmart and other online booksellers.